a room with a view
photographs are a form of injustice to the place as i know it.
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since you asked
Last night I dreamt about Oludeniz, the hotel I spent my childhood summers in. It is almost unbelievable, because my dad dropped me off with a car and I ran towards the garden bar that was once there, before they changed the garden area so many times; removed the bar, removed the swings, the ping-pong tables, added the swimming pool. Every summer we went there, I would find something had been altered but I would generally be the same, with my books and summer outfits and hopeless love stories. But in my dream I ran towards the garden bar that was there when I was like 5, and started talking to this waiter -Ahmet abi- who was there through most of my childhood. But I was me -a grown up who can reach and lean over the bar- and he was somewhat older. I still called him Ahmet abi -something that suggests that he is older than me- but secretly wondered what what my older version was to him. I admit to always having had a thing for him, Ahmet the waiter. And so, -late- in the morning I woke ...
27
and so it ends- or is about to end. my birthday, the expectation and the excitement of the attention, and the exhaustion that comes after. the flowers, with so many colors and scents so strong, lilliums and roses. words, wishes. all beautiful and hopeful. 2+7=9 7/12/1979 i am a nine.
i ran into Beth. we sat and talked and had coffee. updated each other. it was good to see her. she has one of the best voices i have ever heard. and she is a queen on the stage. the string of balloons on the sea. still colorful as the day fades into an evening blue. i could rent a toy rifle for 5 shots and aim at them and maybe accidentally aim at the full moon. thinking it was one of the balloons as it hangs yellow over the sea. silenced the ipod when walking through Bogazici. i wanted to hear birds and trees. yes, trees are louder in Fall.