thoughts

running in my shorts and tank top on the water, it's a little late but the sun doesn't hurt at all because there is a cool breeze. despite the young and strong man running next to me, i get a lot of looks. fishermen, random guys who happen to walk by the water early morning. mostly older. doug tells me i get checked out a lot. i tell him it's because turkish men are perverted. i almost tell him i would get checked out the same way even if i was 13 but i'd rather concentrate on my breathing. the point is to stop thinking, and go with the flow but i find myself thinking how i can tell off one of these guys so that he would get his lesson and i would get what's lived there for years off my chest.
i let myself think about it, i imagine threat and violence. and then it comes to me.
you know what; it's not my defect that turks are sexually frustrated and to a good extent, perverted. it is not my defect and has nothing to do with me, my shorts, or my running and the potential of my boobs bouncing. i don't have to pay attention to whatever is happening outside of me and i choose not to. no shame, no guilt, no feelings of self-consciousness, no frustration. just a great run by the sea.
the rest of it goes great.

best things in life are silly

like some jazz songs. like a baby's first sentences. like being in love. so was mamma mia! the movie, in an endearing and capturing way. to quote joey, what's not to like? abba, good. greek island? good. pierce brosnan? GOOD.

etsy shop!

Etsy Buy Handmade sagiti

rainy day

unlike most days lately, today i feel like writing.
(ask yourself: how much of it has to do with kite runner?)

we woke up early this morning. i handed him the alarm the moment it buzzed off, because i knew i would press snooze and let go - of the beautiful morning that awaited us outside. we had a rendez-vous. he pushed himself out of bed and pulled me.
then we found ourselves out, at the top of the hill. it was chilly for a day in july, and cloudy, and raining slightly, but not enough to keep us from running today.
on the way down, he kept me warm by wrapping his arm around me, and it made me happy. it made me happy in two ways: i was warm, and i was loved.
there is a certain strip when you go in the direction of the Black Sea and it's always windy. we ran in the wind with the rain in our hair and faces. i found my focus in the challenge of running against the wind, soaking. and after the u-turn it all turned to normal, just running on a cloudy day. the wind becomes your friend when it's at your back pushing you gently.
it's a rainy day in july and there is a subtle joy in the contrast.

i'm remembering the wedding because a friend of mine just showed her wedding pictures and i envied her so much, i wanted to go back to that day. so i'm looking at the wedding pictures from May 4th. and remembering.

remembering

i love my husband.

I don't believe in week-long vacations

Come on. A week is just to short to say you've been on vacation this summer. Much too short to get a proper tan and secretly feel good about the white swimsuit print on parts of your body that very few people see. This 'vacation' has to be long enough so you start out tired then get a real good rest, then get used to having not much to do and then get a little bit bored, and then some more. You should feel so isolated that you make friends with the neighborhood store and some kids on the beach, and half-adopt a dog that you've been feeding for the past few weeks or so. You should read at least two thick books from cover to cover, think about the meaning of your life, and certainly have enough time to come up with resolutions for when you get back, which should seem unlikely at that point. You should get back in shape and forget what the city feels like... call friends and think they sounded different. And really miss them. Or am I quoting a random summer from when I used to be a free, carefree student? That is possible. Or that I really miss those summers. And I don't believe in week-long vacations, and I never will.