you live by your choices-
so live by your choices.

my baby's the uncle of identical twin boys now.

Today's thanksgiving. I woke up to a beautiful day, some kind of light and breeze in the air, sunny but almost about to rain, "the autumn leaves" all around.
'tis autumn.
But yay, it's thanksgiving! I remember all the thanksgiving dinners I had, mostly with and through Deniz. All the good food and the warmth of what's foreign.
I'm at work in my thanksgiving dinner outfit. People comment. 'Your dress is wonderful'. I think what's wonderful is today. The day Jupiter steps into Sagittarius and the day I said to myself, 'embrace whatever is happening to you. It's happening to you for a reason. Be zen, like a falling stone, don't resist.' Thanksgiving day.
Thanks.

kendime

"Yine de 'ben' benim ve bunu seviyorum. Üc yil oncesi bana yabanci geliyor ama simdi, üc yil sonra da yadsinacak bir sey yok. Seni seviyorum Pelin, ve sen cok buyudun. Kendini cok iyi yetistirdin ama devam etmen gerekiyor. Kendini taniyorsun, insanlari da -sayilir-, en azindan durum eskisi kadar vahim degil. Ve yine kucuk bir cocuk gibisin, bu sefer buyumeye calismayan bir cocuk. Bu cok guzel cunku cocuklar buyumeye calisinca birer maskara oluyorlar. Artik oyle cocuklari sevmiyorum, hic sevmiyorum."
-journal entry, 29/11/96

"aşk bir tanedir. içinizdeki aşk tektir. başlar, kimi zaman uyur, kimi zaman uyanır. şimdiki aşkın varlığında öncekiler de yaşar, şimdikinin ateşiyle ötekiler de alevlenir tutuşur"
-semiha berksoy

one love, we get to share it

today ozlem and i went to the modern art museum, "istanbul modern". i was able pass as a student. that saved me enough money to buy an extra cappucino -short- at sbux.
they were featuring the venice biennial, and the only work i could actually enjoy was the video with the people pretending like they are dancing with someone in their arms or in somebody's arms. to "the look of love". it's interesting because ozlem had told me that was the one she liked the most out of my last gig's repertoire, and we went to the museum together, heard the song, listened in the dark and watched the video, all that.
sometimes i do that too. sting sings "until" and i waltz with my invisible lover. i used to imagine being so much in love with someone and waltzing to a perfect song, feeling the lyrics deep down. next time i dance with my imaginary lover, my partner will be doug, "my fiancé". and how much i am in love will be for real.
and i actually shopped at the museum gift shop.
with you it is so easy to find things around and recognize signs that say we are meant to be.