mefailün mefaiülün failatün failün

in the long run we are all alone.

remember always will

when missing everything but the girl plays i will always remember the balcony in kusadasi, remember it as windy and azur-blue as it can be.
istanbul pamela, when my apartment was broken into and in time of need, nobody was there. -bi ortak gecmisimiz var, bir de hep acik yaralar-
supergirl reamonn, a sunbeam in safa rekkali's blue eyes on the subway stairs on our way to early-morning band practice.
walk this earth alone lauren christy, wind in my hair riding my bike on the waterfront, summer 1998. wondering what the hell i'd done wrong.
don't turn around ace of base, sena, pelin and alper.
lights out the auters, my dorm room, how liberating it was in its box-like dimensions.
love rosey, how i knew love "would find me someday, somewhere."

we had to get out of there. i had to be myself.

dream

www.maiden-uk.com

i love you.
i have another one of those notorious headaches and unfortunately, it's not letting me do anything.
but i still managed to write in my blog. it was a good saturday.
i found out the maker of a song that i've adored for a long time. it was in a commercial. it's called nikita, and some swedish guy recorded it i think.
i am listening to it now, and am very satisfied with my find. it's weird because on the way to taksim in the cab, it had played and i had felt disappointed with myself not having found out about it for so long.
then we were walking down istiklal and i heard it playing in some music store. of course i went in and asked. came home and downloaded. i love life when these things happen.
head hurts but still a chatterbox.
i gave baris your hat.
he is a person that loves those hats and wears them all the time. he was surprised--how did you know that he is a hat person? this is his question. my question is, how much do you love me?
i will keep checking my e-mail then. it's so cute that you found a 1990s, dust-covered computer in there and are trying to write to me using those oily keys.
you never gave me the news about measure 37. is there none?
suz sent me the invitation. i'm all set. america, here i come.
love you babe, bye.

a day in the life of a fool

i woke up aimless, not sure if i wanted to wake up, not sure if i've slept enough. the kind of indecisiveness when you've went to bed after 2 a.m in the morning. then something prompted me to wake up -must be the bright day and feeling responsible about my weekend- and i did. then came the breakfast and the long, insightful talk, and the impulsive hop into the cab that took us to taksim.
we aimed at art galleries, the visual stimulation that i did realize i need more often. i'm so out of it i went looking for rembrandt and found chermayeff. soon after i got over my prejudice i was in the flow of imagery and the guy's way of thinking. ivan chermayeff gave me hope. he gave me hope that someone who collects envelopes and stamps, stamps, yes, someone who sees beauty in kraft paper, handwriting and collages, the texture of daily life, the bird encyclopedias and crammed cans, and someone who can't throw away, like me, like my grandmother, has a place in this life. he has claimed his place and maybe someday i can too. and even if i don't, like to know this is who i am. someone who takes mental pictures of nescafe grains melting in milk being heated.
but in no circumstances should a person have such a killing headache. it is unfair that i should be confined to darkness, silence and bed on a saturday night, which is so young too.

baska

baska insanlarin bloglarini inceledim. bu bende les classiques'lerden olan, 'tuhaf' bir duygu yaratti. 'baskalari nasil yaziyor'. ya da 'yasiyor'. elimize yillar sonra, sonunda, oh be, gecen bu platformlarda kendimizi nasil 'ortaya koyuyoruz', nasil dansediyoruz, amacimiz ne.
bilmem, baska insanlarin bloglarini inceledim ve benim de icimden oyle geveze olmak geldi. yalniz sanirim artik konusmak ve anlatmak eskisinden daha zor gelen seyler oldu.

it is already pictured and framed.

mark rothko

have been looking at a rothko on my board. there is one above my bed and many more in my agenda. i felt like putting up another on my virtual 'wall'. now no color will match the depth and brightness in his colors. meditation and sophistication are embodied on this guy's canvas. pulls me in, i fear not.

what i've remembered this weekend

carpe diem
give your best self fully to whatever you're doing
listen to classical music
cry if you want to
spoil yourself
trust life
you're a sagittarius so nothing can be that bad
i'm pretty smart
yoga is my companion through life

and what i never forget:
i'm in love with him nomatterwhat