these days

yesterday, music in my ear, i was walking by the sea, and the song was;
yesterday when I was young/so many drinking songs were waiting to be sung/so many wayward pleasures lay in store for me/and so much pain my eyes refused to see
yes, indeed.

spring is all around. one can feel it 'body and soul'. heartbeat that wasn't there before, came in with all its belongings, and waiting, asking for permission to settle.

silly friends drinking, and me accompanying them, not having the best time but not wanting to get out of there. sometimes just being there is enough. history and chemistry take care of it.

evren's packing for italy. it's like watching a falling star, watching him glide across. i loved having him in my sky, i loved looking up to see it shine, guide me with understanding and love, whenever i asked for it. but maybe there's another sky he can shine brighter through. shouldn't get too sentimental about it though. goodbye dear, i'll see you in milano this summer.

questions, so many of them, about the present, about future. i let them hang in the air, i will not touch them. the past is beautiful and the future is curious, and maybe glorious. isn't it all hidden in the present though? i'm holding this package in my hands. i carry it everywhere. and when spring comes and suddenly it's sunlight and breeze and spring fashion all around, it's not all that heavy anymore.