The list, my 30s and the Stuff

I did try to work on this particular entry on a Word document, you know, it would be easier and error-proof, I am a graduate student after all, and turning 30 in the process, I should have been able to do this in Word but I couldn't. I didn't know what to write. So I started over, here in Blogger's interface, to see what comes out of this one. And I still don't know if anything will. But bear with me. I, who has been writing things since, like, forever, should have something to say on my birthday of all days. But then I have stuff to do. Stuff always gets in the way. It's a classic.
But today, stuff may not get in the way. True, I had to wake up today, of all days, before 6 a.m. to register for a class. True, I couldn't register fully since I had to take a placement test. True, I did take the test -- I wrote an essay on a topic on which I didn't have much to say. What a responsible act to say hello to your 30s.
The rest of the day though, is mine.

How do you wrap up your 20s? How do you leave behind the only decade of your life that is A- not childish and highly dependent (birth to age 9), B- not overcome with growing pains (age 10 to 19) C- mostly fun and carefree, mostly lived to cross as many items as possible on the 'things to do before I turn 30' list? And the list is there for a reason. The list has a timeline. The list wants you to realize that 30 is the limit. My list, it didn't have any items to check off. It was more like a list you make as you go along: Meeting many great people- check. Speaking one foreign language well- check (Unchecked: more foreign languages). Singing, musical activities- check. Finding love of life- check. Getting married- check. Living in a foreign country- check. Seeing New York- check. Running a 15k race- check. Starting to acquire quality furniture- check. Starting grad school- check. There may even be more to my list. Or negative items can be added, boxes that I couldn't check off, and maybe that could be the stuff of a list of the 'things to do before I die.' As (believe it or not) there are only two lists and my time on the first one is up. Today, if stuff doesn't get in the way, I'm starting my second list, and as my birthday wish, I want plenty of time to work on that one.

The Secret Life of Printers

Today I had to 'regionalize' our printer. An hp rep walked me through the steps online, over a chat window. I discovered many functions that the regular buttons that we use for regular purposes perform when they are pressed in different combinations. He even made me double-click an HP logo while I held the ctrl key down to bring up a completely unique window where I entered secret numeric combinations that he gave me - a window that I had never seen before in my entire life. I just realized that there is a whole another world of key combinations and single- and double-clicks out there (or rather, in there in our computers) that serve purposes we don't even become aware of unless we bring a printer from Turkey and buy cartridges for it in the US. It's the secret life of printers and their secret affairs with computers.

everyone told me about the winter but it's still nice, and i still here cicadas loud and clear. i know i don't belong here in the way i belonged bogazici, but that feels like another lifetime anyway. i'm thinking of shiny fingers and successful people and what you leave behind and what you take with you. i can wear anything i want now. i would love to be a part of things. i just ate a really good cookie. i want to cook for my husband. i want to buy kilos of tomatoes and every fruit and vegetable that is in season and put them in my fridge, just to have them, just like we had them back home. seems like people are counting everything here. there's too much calculation, the tips, the taxes, the coupons, how many cans come out of this package? too bad the metric system is not employed here with all its decimal perks. the fall, the parks, the golden trees. they are 'winter trees'. i learned so much in primary school.
what's mine is yours.
so he came here and he talked about the writer and the reader and schiller and mann and kafka. these things would happen somewhere out there and i would watch them from my corner and i would think, wow. this is actually happening, though. this time, to me. but for the record, i would feel the same if he didn't have a nobel prize. the black book did it for me.

Here -and- now

Here's that day. I won't say here's that rainy day, because it's not a rainy day, but it's certainly a cozy day. This is the day when everything seems complete, I finally have a home base again that I can call my own and take care of, clean, decorate, enjoy. I have my honey tea and candle burning beside me, it's grey outside but warm to the eye and mind in here. I love those moments when the dust settles, you take a breath, look around and find that you are home. So here's to this cozy day.

kedi-balik

balıklara neden kedi adlari vermisiz? mesela tekir, mırmır, ya da pisi balığı... bu balık çeşidini ozel olarak seven kedilerin adlari mi onlara verilmis? yoksa evde kedisi olan balikcilar yeni isim bulmaya usenip ha kedi ha balik mi demisler?

Turkish food

The Turkish food (lahmacun, cacik, ezme, mercimek kofte, kisir, pide, yogurt) that Tom surprised us with at the end of our first meeting at work made me feel as giddy as a child. Eating Turkish food in Turkey is one thing, which I recently did, but finding yourself feasting on these Turkish flavors, in Boston, at work, was a wonderful shift from my everyday reality. I felt so lucky.
Tonight we were expecting a visit from a Turkish people and I got some tahini and pita bread earlier, thinking we had to present either dessert or fruit to our guests. I figured, if I spread some tahini on a pita bread, sprinkle it with some sugar and put it in the oven for a while, I might be able to imitate a certain Turkish dessert, namely tahinli pide. Turns out I was right. Doug didn't like it at all, but I had two portions of my mock tahini flat bread. It really did remind me of the ones we ordered on some Sunday mornings to have after breakfast... I guess some flavors will never remain just flavors. At this point in my life, Turkish food is the one thing that makes me feel completely at home and I feel home wherever I'm cooking it.

blame it on facebook

I think facebook is crippling my motivation to blog. You can say what you have to say in an instant and get it out of your system so quickly and easily. Who's going to sit down and articulate thoughts and feelings now? I guess I'll have to make more of an effort to create more than single sentences that start with my full name.

Think think think...

Gergedan: var mi hatirlayan?

Cincinnati'deki hayvanat bahcesinde gezerken Doug bana Rhinosaurus'un (aslinda Rhinoceros diye yaziliyormus, ve ben kelimeyi yazmasini bile bilmiyorum o kadar cahilim) Turkcesini sordu. Hayvancigi hicbir seye benzetemedim, daha once oyle bir yaratik gordugumu de hatirlamadim, ve dedim ki, 'bizde boyle bir hayvan yok, biz buna isim koymadik o yuzden'. Sonra baliklara bakilan yerde soluklanirken bir sozluge danisayim dedim, bir de ne goreyim, bizim bildigimiz (daha dogrusu bir zamanlar lafi gecmis olan, ama kafamda tam da bir imgesi bulunmayan) gergedan Amerikalilarin rhino'su degil miymis? Kucuk bir saskinlik gecirdim. Bize butun hayvanlar ogretildi mi? Cocuklar hayvanat bahcesine goturuluyor mu? Gulhane Parki'ndaki yasli aslanlarin yerine yenileri geldi mi? Bu yasima gelmis ve gergedan'dan habersiz bir Turk olarak, kimi suclayacagimi bilemiyorum.

I can move the world this morning

I'm on a coffee high.

As with every coffee high of every morning, thoughts come and go, leaving me very confident of my potential, of the things I can say, of my ideas - but like I said, I'm on a coffee high. Anything can happen, but what actually happens is the clearing up of the trivial items on my to-do list. The one I made yesterday morning, when I was on a coffee high.

We finally arrived at our destination, and I study maps every day to get a feel for the place. If I don't, I know that I will have to spend hours on the road, changing 5 buses everytime I attempt to go somewhere. Until I learn to drive on American highways, maybe learn is not the right word, until I venture out there, I will have to be dependent on husbands, bus drivers, etc.

I'm disappointed once again that I still can't have my life around places in walking distance. One should be able to wake up on a Sunday morning and walk to the nearby bakery to get fresh bread (One should also be able to be tempted by an almond-dark chocolate croissant while there). Even if you only need 1 single clove of garlic, you should be able to get it by walking to the store. Did I just describe my life in Turkey? Quite so, and I would very much like to get that part back.

Az gittik uz gittik...

Az gittik, uz gittik. Dere tepe duz gittik.
Bir de baktik ki, bir arpa boyu yol gitmisiz.

Su anda icinde oldugumuz durumu baska hicbir soz daha iyi aciklayamaz herhalde, o yuzden Ingilizce birseyler yazmaya yeltenmedim bile. Amerika'nin batisindan dogusuna gecerken, saatlerce dere tepe duz gittikten sonra, elimizdeki GPS aletinden bir de bakiyoruz ki, ekran uzerinde astigimiz yol yalnizca bir arpa tanesinin boyutuna denk.

Evliya Celebi'den daha iyi sartlarda yolculuk yaptigimiz kesin. 2 gece kamyonetimizin arkasinda uyumus olsak da (biz bunu kamp yapma -camping- kategorisinde degerlendiriyoruz) kendimizi bir sekilde bir otele motele atiyoruz gunun sonunda. Bu gece sabaha kadar yol tepmeye kararliydik. Ohio'ya varip, emin ellerde rahat bir hafta gecirip, sonra Boston'a -yeni hayatimiza- olan yolculugumuza devam edecektik. Fakat once masum bir gokkusagi ve goz alabildigine uzanan duzluklerin muhtesem renklere burunmesiyle baslayan yagmurlu-bulutlu hava, dort yanimizda cakan simseklere donusunce, "kekligi duz ovada avlarlar" turkusunun baska bir versiyonu olmamak icin bir Holiday Inn'e sigindik. God bless Holiday Inn diyesim geliyor bu noktada. Kavram kargasasi yasayan bir metin oldu bu. Yol yorgunluguma verin.

Su ana kadar bana tamamiyle yepyeni ama bir yandan da filmlerden ve cizgi romanlardan cok tanidik olan birsuru sey yaptik. Evet beni sasirtan, bambaska bir kitada bambaska kavramlarla yasiyor olmam ama bunlarin hala tanidik gelebiliyor olmasi. Yellowstone parkinda gordugumuz bizonlar, kamp yaparken dal parcasina taktigimiz "marshmallow"lari agir agir dondurerek pisirip afiyetle yememiz (bu kadar sekerli bir seyin bu kadar guzel olabilecegini dusunemezdim), dayanamayip ingilizce yazicam, roadside motel'ler, gece kampimizi ziyaret etmesinden korktugumuz ayilar, dag yollarina tirmanirken gordugumuz camla kapli zirveler, bunlar aslinda cok tanidik.

Sonra, Mount Rushmore'a oyulmus Amerikan baskanlarinin bustleri - hep televizyonda orda burda gormedik mi bu eseri? Hic aklima gelmezdi ki birgun gidip onu ziyaret edeyim, hatta onu New York'tan once goreyim. Ama oyle oldu. Hayat, ozellikle de benim hayatim, tuhaf tesaduflerle dolu.

Yolculugumuzun naifligini, vahsi bati tadini ve macera yanini iyi yansittigini dusundugum birkac fotografla bu yazima burada son vermek isterim.