tonight

hi. tonight is my gig at nardis. i am hoping and praying that it will go well and everyone will like it, including us, the performers. i really like playing with this band 'cos they're all so laid back, so nice people, these guys. so anyway. i have this need to write down how excited i am about this. to the point of nervousness maybe. but once i'm up on the stage and singing, it'll be alright. keeping fingers crossed.
ps. my outfit rocks.

user's manual

if there was a manual as to how to operate me, i think that would include a few things:

1- U2 album, Achtung Baby
2- Calikusu, Resat Nuri Guntekin
3- High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4- any healthy-living guide
5- interviews with certain people, including my sister, sena, eylem, eytan, zeren, baris.

that should be enough though.

always indifferent towards the appropriate. attracted to the difficult, the better-off-without. but it feels right in some inexplicable way. the things people say whizz by in general directions. i want them to whizz off. and my mind is successfully distracted. i like that.

inside and out

Baby, I can't figure it out Your kisses taste like candy Sweet lies don't gimme no rise Oh, what you're trying to do Livin' on your cheatin' and the pain grows inside me It's enough to leave me crying in the rain Love you forever but you're driving me insane And I'm hanging on Oh, oh, oh, oh I'll win, I'll never give in Our love has got the power Too many lovers in one lifetime Ain't good for you You treat me like a vision in the night Someone there to stand behind you When your world ain't working right I ain't no vision, I'm the girl who loves you inside and out Backwards and forwards with my heart hanging out I love no other way What are we gonna do if we lose that fire? Wrap myself up and take me home again Too many heartaches in my lifetime ain't good for me I figure it's the love that keeps you warm Let this moment be forever We won't ever feel the storm I ain't no vision, I'm the girl Who loves you inside and out Backwards and forwards with my heart hanging out I love no other way What are we gonna do if we lose that fire Don't try to tell me that it's over I can't hear a word I can't hear a line No girl could love you more And that's what I'm cryin' for You can't change the way I feel inside You're the reason for my laughter and my sorrow Blow out the candle I will burn again tomorrow No man on earth can stand between my loving arms And no matter how you hurt me, I will love you till I die I ain't no vision, I'm the girl Who loves you inside and out Backwards and forwards with my heart hanging out I love no other way What are we gonna do if we lose that fire? Loves you inside and out Backwards and forwards with my heart hanging out I love no other way What are we gonna do if we lose that fire?

tiramisu

-italian cake.
-yaprak kitabevi, this bookstore that used to have the best cafe that has ever been. smell of coffee and tea and warmth of the inside. music, always the best. friends, great ones. adolescense. -sena's mom. the apartment they used to live in. overeating while studying. music.
-me. the taste of tiramisu, different each day after. coming home from school. a summer's day, somebody's birthday. my family. how my uncle loves it.
-chocolate offered today. the taste and intensity.
-28/02/06 sitting on my couch, right in the middle, with turkish coffee on the side, suddenly feeling so much better.
how come it's just a cake?

it's official

winter's here. i got sick. now it's official that winter's here and is not leaving for a loong long time. that's a really frustrating thought sometimes.

all i want

if all i want is a sunday afternoon, pool, friends, table tennis and laughing away, why am i making everything so complicated?

dreaming california

california dreamin' playin' on the radio. reminds me of the days i played it for the superdorm crew. then again reminds me of the days i played it for my high school classmates. it's such a sad song. back then i didn't really know why it sounded so sad. now i know. sometimes you just want to go to a warmer place and you can't, and it just hurts so much and life is full of moments like that.

delicious

shivaree is back with a song called I Close My Eyes. Mm. Yummy. Judging by the aftertaste of Goodnight Moon and John, looks like it's going to last for a while. Can't wait to go home and download.

summer of '05

sup with the playstation sup

sen naber ya?

pepeler opsun seni

pepe

goguk

suretiyle

fethiye tekne gezisi

puf diyen gunes ve dedemi guldurmek

the o.c, season 2 -- i made an error in judgement

baliklama atlamayi ogrendim

ilkerlerde parti no.1 and 2

ardic

my favorite animals (when asked)

birds ('cos they are innocent and sweet) (how i see myself?)
penguins ('cos they live in their own world and they're different) (how others see me?)
squirrels ('cos they're also innocent and they mind their own business) (how i see/would like to see my partner?)

i found this picture somewhere on the internet, and i would like to apologize for copyrights violation, i can't help but post it -- so soothing and familiar. somewhere in mediterranean turkey.

yes, it's a cup of coffee that's making me so sad. 

hello, i'm in nardis, i'm having a good time with my fellow jazz musicians who are skillfully cropped out of this picture.

story

there's this girl and she's working in a mansion, and her job is to wait for a guest that is supposed to arrive someday, but she is not told when or who the guest is. all she has to do is to keep the mansion ready for this guest that will one day undecidedly arrive. the story is about her thoughts, dreams, fantasies about the guest, about the nature of waiting, about the mansion and how perfect it is. she has everything in there but she's alone. she has no one to talk to, so she's talking to herself all the time.

today i go back

to istanbul.
i don't know what's waiting for me.
probably my life.
(that i put on hold for over a week)