my weekend

So friday i get out of work, exhausted. my uncle kept insisting on having dinner with me, which i knew would be all about my new job and responsibilities and career potentials, and his love life which drags me into a dark grey hopelessness about the future in general. when i'm that tired physically and mentally, all i want to do is go home, eat the crappy dinner i made myself sitting crossed-legged. and the first question i encountered when i met him was, 'where do you see yourself in the business world as of now?' Great, here we go. but the food in Zencefil* was good, as usual.
Saturday i woke up kind of under the weather. Played the BBC sessions of The Beatles on my stereo, something that reminds me of high school and how naive we were. But also something that cheers me up, entertains me the way British people would be entertained in the 60s. Young voices of Mccartney and Lennon come through the stereo as if they are singing for me:

so please don't ever change/no don't you ever change/just promise you're always gonna be/as sweet as you are.
someday when i'm lonely/wishing you weren't so faraway/then i will remember/things we said today. (goosebumps at this point)
close your eyes and i'll kiss you/tomorrow i'll miss you/remember i'll always be true/and then while i'm away/i'll write home everyday/and i'll send all my lovin' to you.
Then i met Teri for late lunch, a social activity i've always found more than fulfilling. One of my dearest friends, Teri is a real woman and a great mother. i think i want to grow up to be like her, although in some ways she might not agree with me. i don't care. i want to make jams in a kitchen full of light. while i sing.
Then i couldn't help but go for a slow and quiet stroll along the shore, by the sea that was the bluest of blue. 'Contemplated', as Murat might have said. the same old subject that keeps coming up. the same old questions that start with 'why didn't you' and go on to depress me. Although thinking so hard about it helped me conclude, it's not what people 'didn't do' that matters. It's what they 'do'. and what they get in return.
This morning i didn't realize until i was already half an hour late that i was invited to a brunch at Jon&Sandra's, and i literally left the place in 5 minutes and maybe less. i was in Bebek in no time. Now i understand once again why i keep wanting to live in Bebek. i love that place with all my heart. and the brunch was yummy. Waffles are a good idea. When a Swedish and a Haitian French couple up, the menu changes your entire outlook about a Sunday breakfast. Such a big part of my life that it scares me sometimes.
The rest is dancing, yoga and chilling with my book Underworld**, that made it to my to-do list as book to be finished asap. No it's one of the best books i've read. it's just too thick for its own good.
and comes monday in less than half an hour, whose first 7 hours will be spent in deep sleep cut through by my coughing.

**Don Delillo


teri said…
Really flattering to come upon my name in your blog:)
Though you are right guessing that I won't agree with you.
I don't see at all how I could be a role model for anyone, struggling with "existential problems" at this point in my life, asking myself "what is life, what is love, are we all just ordinary beings sharing the same time and space coincidentally, what is the point of all this" :)
Unfortunately as much as I would like to, I don't have any advice to give to you being older and having sailed somewhat similar waters. All I've learned of life so far is that what John Lennon has already said is true:
"Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans."
Funny isn't it and true in a sad way you might say...
You already ARE a rolemodel for me Teri even if you don't agree, because weren't you the one who told me early this summer to leave it all up to time and wait, and i did what you said, and i see that it's the best i could have done. Challenging times happen to all of us and we all lose direction sometimes. It's HOW we deal with them, not what we find ourselves dealing with. And you are a beautiful, fragile but strong character in my book. Maybe we can publish it sometime too:)

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