get gone

So many things leaking in my life right now. First of all, my boots. Then my determination, resolve, risk-lover attitude, clarity. Most of all, clarity, i guess, is leaking. My belief in my own potential. Life has left me pretty wounded and bitter it seems. Maybe that explains my frozen stance. I can’t act on my own needs and motives. I’m too used to going through the motions. So much that anything asking for more invokes confusion and paralysis. This thing inside me. Gnawing at the edges of my stomach and squeezing my heart with cold steely fingers. I want it gone.

Comments

s. said…
go buy yourself a pair of boots,
take a deep breath and have a cup of ginger tea,
it will soohe your tummy,
and think about me,
you and i are ready to save/rescue everything but ourselves,act well in other people's crises but get paralysed when it is time to live just for ourselves, or heal our own wounds...maybe i can hold your hand and help you heal your wounds, as it helps me healing mine...it will go away pel, i promise
irem said…
i think i get healed as i heal others. ever since high school. ever since i discovered a counterpart to the we-are-all-friends-arent-we-so-here-is-my-new-scented-erasegummi days of ground school in the -you-tell-me-yours-i-tell-you-mine moments.

what does one do when there aren't others? and one can not reflect and has to do with a mirror that stands just in front of the nose?

so pel here helps me heal, you know, just like you, since even when there is nobody there is somebody, somewhere that shines bright enough.

so thanks pel and whisper not ;)
haven't been able to buy a new pair of boots yet
but i took a deep breath,
i walked in the cold,
i thought about you baby sophia,
i welcomed the thought of a new friend who already welcomed my voice,
and i prayed.
feeling better now.
i keep going round and round on the same old circuit
a wire travels underground to a vacant lot
where something i can't see interrupts the current
and shrinks the picture down to a tiny dot
and from behind the screen it can look so perfect
but it's not.

so here i'm sitting in my car at the same old stoplight
i keep waiting for a change but i don't know what
so red turns into green turning into yellow
but i'm just frozen here on the same old spot
and all i have to do is to press the pedal
but i'll not.

people are tricky, you can't afford to show
anything risky anything they don't know
the moment you try, you kiss it goodbye

so baby kiss me like a drug like a respirator
and let me fall into the dream of the astronaut
where i get lost in space that goes on forever
and you make all the rest just an afterthought
and i believe it's you who could make it better
but it's not.

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