good night

still not tired. my good old hobby/habit (hobbit): writing.

i miss my honey. the other day i was thinking about how i didn't want a seemingly perfect thing that would never be mine but a lovingly flawed thing, that was mine.
and i have it.
and it's hard work to maintain it.

anyway, good night. time for me to tidy up the kitchen and start reading.

tobago

this is tobago. it's a pierre frey fabric that i love (pierre frey is a french decorative fabrics brand and his actual son, also called pierre frey, had contacted me personally one day. i don't remember the reason now. but i can never forget the fabrics). this was one of my favorite fabrics at 'a day of design' although there were a great many. i rediscovered it because i had this sort of a print in mind for the invitations. obviously it's impossible to copy it. so i'll go for other botanical images.

wanted: barbie sticker book

i had a barbie sticker book when i was maybe 10. me and my friend would buy the stickers in packets of 5 befores school and sometimes on the weekends, and it was always a mystery which stickers would come out of them. each one was part of a story where barbie was skiing or sailing with ken and skipper and her dog, and her life was stylish and fun. there was also a sticker book where these stories were laid out and the empty rectangular spaces (there were 101, i think) waiting for their correct-fitting stickers were a source of excitement and frustration in my life. my friend and i would trade stickers too. i remember it so well, buying the stickers, opening the packets together, going through the pages, helping barbie get together her life. and the bottom line is i want that sticker book back.
anybody seen my barbie?

after ordinary work day

yes: tonight's the night for blogging. i feel talkative but doug's not here so it seems like the perfect time to haunt my readers yet again. this time, forever (cruel cackle).

i love the guy who gives warm peanuts to everyone exiting the subway. it really feels nice after a long day's work and it's guaranteed that i'll be hungry. obviously he's trying to market his product in to a customer base that is not so familiar with peanuts so it seems like the right thing to do but when you don't buy the product, it also seems like a nice gesture. i should also buy a package and see how i'll feel about it then.

also on my way home, i see this sign on an apparel shop that reads:
STORM
for you & lover
okay. so what is this for you & lover thing? how do people come up with these expressions? is a pocket dictionary their sole source of information about the english language? if they said 'for you and your lover' it would make grammatical sense but would still be awfully flawed in terms of meaning. yeah, i always go apparel shopping to 4.levent with my lover. storm is my brand of choice, because it considers my lover as well. and by the way, do we mean boyfriend by lover, or is it more like an affair thing? because i'd much rather call my significant other boyfriend or fiance or husband. thank you.

sevgiler olunceye kadar

severiz aciyla sevincle
bazen bir omur
bazen de yalniz bir tek gece
severiz istemeden de
soz gecmiyor kalbe
olmadik hayallerin pesinde

(daha masum gunlere ait sarkilar kategorisi)

sometimes i lose all meaning and don't know how to recover the loss.

and the less i seek my soul for some definitive
closer i am to fine

(was so funny when andy bernard was singing it and jim started to sing along! i felt like i had something in common with andy--indigo girls)

my rohde

growing pains

i was thinking about how content with my life i've been lately. how i feel like everything is in place, that i wouldn't necessarily change anything. i look back, and decide i wouldn't want to go back to any point in my life. i feel like i went through difficult times just to grow up and get here.
i was sent a chain e-mail the other day. it went on and on about how great childhood was, and how badly the writer wants to go back to childhood days. everyone on the distribution list was on the same page as the writer. i wasn't. i wouldn't want to go back to childhood. or any other time period for that matter. i'm happy where i am, as a grown up woman with responsibilities and real love in balance. this is what i've always wanted to do. maybe it will be even more complete with babies. but for the moment i'm content.
i look back and realize that all that adjusting, trying and erring were only growing pains. i was striving to fit into a dress, of which i had only a vague idea about the measures. or trying to grow into a pot, unsure of where exactly my roots would reach or where they had to stop to fit in. right now it feels just fine. it may change any moment -life is like that-. but at least i've experienced the feeling. now there's a touchstone.

it's also interesting to feel this way right after pluto left my sign for capricorn. pluto is very closely associated with growing up. and i've hosted pluto for 13 years, completed my assignment. i'm almost sure there's another challenge right around the corner. bring it on.

sunday

i'm okay. doug would say, a-okay.
i organized some music and downloaded lots of classical pieces. it feels good.
but it's so easy to miss him.

learning how to fly

when your heart is low
feel the breezes blow
it's alright
you just take your time
there's no hurry now that you're on your way
when you're learning how to fly

no more wandering round
pick up off the ground
you will find you can glide on by
there's a magic place that is just for you
when you're learning how to fly

you've always known that this was not your home
you've been longing for a place where you'll not feel so all alone
when all the time is gone for you to fly away
so just breath on in and breath on out
and you'll be on your way
watch the ocean rise say a sad goodbye
don't be shy
go ahead and cry
there's a light to guide and you're really on your way

now you are flying rising floating
sitting on this blissful ocean
everything you've always wanted
now
learning how to fly
-scat-

invitation ideas

of course, as a stationery freak, the best part of getting married for me is getting to pick, and maybe design, the invitations. i found a few interesting ones on etsy and i wanted to share them here. i was looking at classical ones with an elegant but serious tone on finestationery.com, but i decided i could use a bit of creativity, especially because it will be the beginning of spring. i like the idea. so here are my two favorites.

saturday

love and hate what a beautiful combination
sending shivers up and down my spine

sitting here on the dining table, my favorite hang-out place these days. it's close to "my kitchen" and well-lit. it's weird to wake up on a saturday without rohde -any morning, actually- and try to find activities to fill my day. it's weird how, when i'm with him, my day is so naturally filled, sometimes with tourist stuff that i don't really care about but it always turns out to be fun anyway. honestly, i have a long cleaning to-do list but i'm procrastinating until i feel more energized. i'm drinking my coffee, so i will, in 10 minutes or so. my boss stopped by to listen to me last night and it was nice of him, albeit for ten minutes. it's funny that people keep asking if i have gigs coming up and when i do, they disappear. well, it suits with this attitude i have lately, -don't give a tiny rat's ass about people- so it's okay, i assume.
after i came home ozan called out of the blue, which was weird because he is a guitar player and i might have easily asked him to do this gig with me. (i didn't give much thought to this gig, to tell the truth). but we'll see. we resolved to work on some songs together and maybe put together a repertoire.
when peacefulness and responsibility, and then the peacefulness of fulfilling your responsibilities takes over, it gets really hard to get excited about things. even your birthday. even music.
now back to my to-do lists, back to the sunny and lonely saturday that awaits me here at emirgan.

anyone won't do
should be you

performance

Pelin Cetin & Bilal Karaman
Barnie's Tea&Coffee Company
1 Feb 2008, 7.00 p.m

Warning:
This event occurs in the past.

su anda ofisteyim