love and hate what a beautiful combination
sending shivers up and down my spine
sitting here on the dining table, my favorite hang-out place these days. it's close to "my kitchen" and well-lit. it's weird to wake up on a saturday without rohde -any morning, actually- and try to find activities to fill my day. it's weird how, when i'm with him, my day is so naturally filled, sometimes with tourist stuff that i don't really care about but it always turns out to be fun anyway. honestly, i have a long cleaning to-do list but i'm procrastinating until i feel more energized. i'm drinking my coffee, so i will, in 10 minutes or so. my boss stopped by to listen to me last night and it was nice of him, albeit for ten minutes. it's funny that people keep asking if i have gigs coming up and when i do, they disappear. well, it suits with this attitude i have lately, -don't give a tiny rat's ass about people- so it's okay, i assume.
after i came home ozan called out of the blue, which was weird because he is a guitar player and i might have easily asked him to do this gig with me. (i didn't give much thought to this gig, to tell the truth). but we'll see. we resolved to work on some songs together and maybe put together a repertoire.
when peacefulness and responsibility, and then the peacefulness of fulfilling your responsibilities takes over, it gets really hard to get excited about things. even your birthday. even music.
now back to my to-do lists, back to the sunny and lonely saturday that awaits me here at emirgan.