beadcastles

"ask olasi sadece olanakli degil sanki...olasilik rahatlatan bisey cunku korunmaya calismak gerekmiyor. olasilik olanaklilik oldugu noktada ben kabuguma gomulup kimsenin iceri girmesine izin vermiyorum.."
baby sophia says so. i agree for the most part. although i had to adjust my expectations out of love/being loved and now i find it easier to cope with the idea of being with someone. i know what i want. i even get it sometimes.
beadcastles- castles made of beads.
beads are see-through, colorful, shiny, round, small, they look beautiful on a string, holding a handful of beads is refreshing, when hung on a window the sunlight will seep through a beady prism, beads remind me of my teenage creativity, those summer days- beads are optimistic. castles are not. castles are prudent, inflexible. fortresses that surround, protect. built out of need. once built, not easily brought down.
beadcastles, my dear, you want to build castles around you but you want them to let colorful sunbeams in? and how tall? and how are you going to keep the tiny beads together, what if they topple over and scatter around?

i'm just asking you because i love your metaphor and i'm afraid i'm building beadcastles too. 26 years of my life behind, "too young to hold on, too old to just break free and run", have seen some dreams come true and given up on others, somedays i hide behind beads, somedays i watch them fall over and i break down. what's the way?

Comments

s. said…
your wor(l)ds, transcend the pillars of the castles...will write very soon, my sunshine
but i was wrong. i have seen my dreams come true, and i haven't given up on any of my dreams. it can happen. the way is to believe and start acting. right now.

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