lots of light

was my wish. right now my room is full of light. and smells of synthetic spring since i just cleaned it. playing with water in the sunlight. memory rush, still a child, taking a sunbathe rehersal on the balcony before oludeniz. living in a memory, coldplay parachutes on the stereo, spring semester, college junior year. the year i can't forget, the room i still walk around with its vision before my eyes. what was so intense about that year? except my obsessive love for B., that is. maybe emily. maybe all the things we did with sinem and eytan. (bir gün sinemle odada ayaklarimizi sehpaya dayamis kanapede yanyana otururken ve erkeklerden bahsederken iceri koca bavulunu surukleyerek emily girmisti, biz once soke olup sonra hi deyip devam etmistik konusmamiza). maybe hanging out with baris ALL the time, all the time. consulate apartments, spectacular views. kevin. kemanci gigs. maybe the coldplay album that came with the spring.
that i listened through the summer.
the present:
life in fast pace, highway, multiple lanes. very nice people. not-so-nice people. containing all may not be the key to a healthy state of mind (no not seeking medical advice) but seems to be the way until i regain control. and i'm starting to.
sing a song: still round midnight.

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